My thoughts are full today. Emotions are really high. I know I want to say something but I can’t seem to get the words together. So I search for a photo. Searching through my gallery waiting for the perfect photo to stand out and speak to me. There’s photos I’ve had for months or years and never post them because I felt the timing wasn’t right. Days like this is when I miss home the most. Just want to visit the pier and watch the sunset. Be close to the water and relax my mind.
Scrolling and scrolling and the one photo that I wish I had, I’ll never be able to get now because you’re no longer here. I just wish I had at least one to add to this post…I found out that my uncle passed away today. My first thoughts were to ask my aunt was she and everyone else doing well. I was fine driving home after hearing the news. It wasn’t until I saw photos of you then I broke down. Each photo I saw, I could hear your voice and it seem like I knew exactly what you were saying right before, during and after the photo was taken. I don’t have a single photo of us to hold on to. I’m hoping that someone in the family has one so I can keep it. I’m glad you’re resting now. I know you didn’t like living in the condition you were in. I’m going down memory lane and of course tears cloud my vision. But I’m happy there’s a great amount of happy memories with you. Thank you for everything you’ve taught me.
The part that hurts the most is being so far away and having to receive a phone call about it all. Imagine you’re just going about your day and someone calls you and you’re thinking this will be a normal phone conversation. I didn’t even know what to feel after that. This makes me want to be around my family. I just hope that years don’t go by before I get to see you all again.
I wonder if your children got to see the moon tonight. I bet it would have made them smile. It was so beautiful. I’m usually inside around this time of night so it’s rare that I get to catch the moon this close to the Earth. As I drove home, all I could do is smile and think of you. Say hello to Grandma and Granddad for me. You will be missed Uncle. Love you forever and always.
Do you believe in spirits?
SPHINX OF THE AMERICAN DESERT
Standing behind this wired fence
It is not the barricade against my chest I see
But the shackles my mind broods
Here somewhere in the heart of Texas
The lone star in the American desert
The sun kisses the horizon
In a golden yellow dalliance
Such glowing ecstasy
My soul is lifted to witness
As the sweat on my brows
Dry into encrusted salt sands
The heaviness on my soul
Descending with this Texan sun
To below the horizon
As a city bows her soul
To the redeeming powers of a night
This gripping inexplicable darkness
The Texan sun shall rise again
With vigour and burning fury
From the ashes of the night
And so will this city
Just as it once rose
From the dust and ashes of civilisation and the desert
Like a sphinx
The sphinx of the American desert
And so would my soul rise too
Like a sphinx
From the ashes and dust of my weariness
UDAH C INALEGWU
They say when the sun rise it is a symbol of the resurrection of your soul
Truth be told it’s the story behind Jesus and his prophecy foretold
Yet what does this mean to me I wondered as I walked through these decaying streets
That gang bangers had plundered
A slow Destruction with a hidden agenda that laid deep
Looking up to the sun thinking of being better one than the holy anointed son
Can I be –
Will I resurrect to be a better one
Or fall victim to this city that the devil run
– I fell asleep and had a dream about Jesus so I went religious
You’ve inspired me in so many ways.
Even in pieces I still will not fit into your box.
I’ll exercise my liberty no matter how uncomfortable it makes You.
But I will do it All in Love.
Religion couldn’t define Me.
Depression couldn’t hold me down.
I cry freely even though I was told real men don’t cry.
My masculinity won’t be defined by your ignorance.
I know who I am.
Remember, even in pieces I still will not fit into your box.
You remember who I was when you thought you knew Me and decided for me that that’s who I should always be.
Hold on to your ghosts. I don’t believe in them anymore.
Love found Me
Countless times when I was trying to find my way back to who you want me to be.
With a simple smile Love paid my fare back to Me.
Your opinion is worthless, that’s what Love told Me.
You don’t know Me,
If You want to
– Adewumi Godwin.
Words are beautifully hideous.
Standing alone they tell stories; “lost”.
Standing together they speak riddles; “I am lost?”.
Used right they reveal truth; “I am lost!”.
In the hands of a wordsmith they become characters only a depraved mind can have; “I don’t want to be found”.
I’ve been musing over the last sunset
And I think I want it.
Like I want you.
Who am I kidding.
You are my last sunset.
Gone forever.~Adewumi Godwin .
Distance is just a matter of numbers.
Can you envisage the future of my image?
I’ll turn your last into your present.
Open your eyes to my colorful soul.
We are the sun and I will set you free.~J.A.A.G
Candle lit silhouettes
Sunlit shadows cast over me
Hide me in your darkness
Protect me from the disconnection ~J.A.A.G