When the lights come on, reality sets in…..
You gotta love women. I mean how can you not? They are beautiful in ways that, me as a man, can’t comprehend. There are so many that I can understand those who don’t believe we are meant to be with just one. I’ve felt that way myself numerous times in my life. It ain’t like it’s an easy feeling to shake my brother and sisters. But for every rule there is an exception.
You have to understand my heart beats differently. I think differently. I feel things differently. When it comes to women more so than not, I start off the search for something I’m missing, then disappear when I’m bored. Once when I was younger, that exception I spoke on to my rules of life occurred. Someone came into my life and became my world all before leaving it. This woman had me sprung. I’m talking love, conversations of marriage, kids, memories and dreams. All that mushy madness. The craziness I use to laugh at other cats for falling for had became the very thing I lived and breathed for. Crazy right?
Before I tell that the story of how this woman became my everything, let me tell you of when I had nothing. Of when I was sleeping in an apartment with no furniture and jumping from couch to couch. She came into my life with nothing to offer except conversation and time. Yeah we slept together pretty quick but neither of us knew where our minds were headed. We both had demons but our time together kept them at bay or at least I thought that was the case. It was a situation where over time, I would’ve preferred to have been engulfed by my demons with her than to have lost them both.
As time went on we grew closer and became an item and even lived together. We sinned together and apart from each other as well. We lived a lie and a truth at the same time if that makes any sense. Never fully giving our all too each other and knowing it but still playing the game. I don’t doubt we loved each other though. I just doubt we knew it at the time. Speaking of time it continued on but us together didn’t. We went our separate ways as most couples do. Life went on. I fell in love a time or two after her but shit wasn’t the same with other women. It didn’t help that me and my long lost love were still close, almost closer if you ask me. Stuck in a weird purgatory between hell and heaven in a way. Anybody else reading this know what I’m talking about?
Anyway, like I said earlier all rules have exceptions. The problem is we plan for things to follow the rules all the time. But what happens when they don’t? Do we conform and evolve? Or do we ignore the changes and hope the next time the rules aren’t broken? I’ll say this, loving her was a cancer. It consumed my entire being in a good and bad way. Being with her was like being at the best party in the world but knowing at some time it has to end. Maybe I never had her though. Maybe like the party it was her job to be my escape from reality for only a brief moment. Most parties don’t tell you at the end they just turn the lights on when it’s over. Love can be that way at times. A big party full of emotions, excitement, and surprises mixed with alcohol sometimes. I’m a DJ though so I’ll always make sure the party continues as long as I’m in control….